After months of the school wifi constantly going out, devices never loading, and computers losing connection, the IT staff and administration have finally formulated a solution. 

Students and staff are now required to wear tinfoil hats at all times while inside the school. These hats are the best solution to the constant connection issues, and will make a major difference in the effectiveness of the wifi, principal Dr. Tennifer Jyrell said. 

“People were complaining of the wifi going out so many times during the day that it was starting to get ridiculous,” she said. “So we decided that everyone would be part of the solution, and made the tinfoil hats mandatory”.

On the first day that the hats became required, rolls of tin foil were handed out to all third period classes. Students and teachers were given an extended period to make their hats. 

“Having the students make their own hats was a very serious task,” RyTell said. “The hats are mandatory, and have become the most strongly enforced aspect of our dress code. If students lose their hat they must go purchase a new piece of tinfoil at the bookstore”.

The hats have served their purpose well, and have almost completely stopped the wifi issues inside of the school building, IT staff member Steve Type said.

“Since everyone has started wearing tinfoil hats we have had almost no technology issues,” he said. “The IT department has become like a ghost town. The chromebook help desk is permanently closed. I hardly have any work to do anymore.”

Although the IT staff is benefitting, the students are quickly becoming annoyed with their hats, Lisa Lou ‘24 said. 

“These hats are totally ridiculous,” Lou said. “I don’t think anyone understands how hard it is to match tinfoil with an outfit. Not to mention they’re bulky, and really get in the way. The kid who sits in front of me in math class made a huge tinfoil sculpture coming off of his hat. I haven’t been able to see the board in weeks because he is blocking my view, and I’ve started failing the class.”

One of the biggest issues with the hats arose in Lou’s physics class. One of the teacher’s demonstrations in class resulted in a school-wide computer blackout.

“I was in physics and we were doing this demonstration with magnets,” Lou said. “My teacher got out this huge magnet, and before we could grab onto them, all of our hats were sucked off of our heads and attracted to the magnet at the front of the room.” 

As a result of all of these students losing their hats the school had a temporary wifi blackout. Everyone’s Chromebooks started shutting down, restarting, and force quitting. The school banned the possession of magnets at school because of the incident, Jyrell said. 

The tinfoil hats have posed a few problems, but they are the best solution to the wifi problems. Student’s Chromebooks are finally running smoothly, for the first time all year.