After months of searching for the perfect deal that would wave goodbye to the treacherous Wylow Bounce property, LT’s prayers were answered by the growing community theater… or so they thought. A sale gone wrong, the Board of Education (BOE) has accidentally sold NC to the La Grange Theater, displacing over 2,000 students and staff from their classes, with the Wylow Bounce property still up for sale to the highest bidder.

“When I walked in [to NC] and found some kids trying to sell me popcorn, I initially thought to myself what club is fundraising now,” Mike Moridaughter said. “It wasn’t until I got to my classroom and saw that I had to buy a ticket to ‘Challengers’ in order to enter that I realized something was not right.”

Upon realizing the error, LT Superintendent Ryan Fireman tried to back out of the deal, but theater owner Man Dice was set in going forward with the sale.

“I have big plans for the theater,” Dice said. “I’m talking chairs that move during fight scenes, ice cream machines, maybe we will start cleaning the bathrooms too. I even recruited some students to personally give pedicures during the showings. Don’t worry, I only hired the students who didn’t notice class was no longer being held at this location until week two; they were too busy wandering the halls.”

Now, class location is dependent on the teacher, principal Tennifer Jyrrell said. For example, the physical education department decided to hold their lessons at Starbucks.

“It came down to either LIFE Fitness, or Starbucks, so we put it to a vote,” physical education division chair John Kurt said. “Starbucks won by a landslide, which was not a shocker. Everyone has a weak spot for the new specialty drinks.”

For most first period classes, students have to go to their teacher’s home, Jyrrell said. 

“At first I thought it would be strange, and it was,” Clayton Eggward ‘24 said. “But after starting high school in a pandemic, I’ll take anything over Zoom. It’s a bonus that [Chemistry teacher Ruce] Follicle makes really great waffles.”

Surprisingly enough, the bus system has excelled under these circumstances and has been getting students to and from their variety of locations with time to spare, Fireman said.

“In light of these trying times, it is important to find silver linings,” Jyrrell said. “Not only has the shuttle system been running seamlessly, but attendance has also been at an all-time high.”

Attendance is now tracked through a weekly Google form, where students check the classes they attended each day, Jyrrell said.

“Oh that’s what [the attendance Google form] was about?” Barb Dwyer ‘25 said. “No kidding? Well, mine’s not accurate that’s for sure.”

LT Administration hopes to return to NC swiftly and fix their mistake, BOE member Amy Stake said. Currently, their goal is to sell the Western Springs property that SC occupies and use the money received to buy back NC. However, community protests continue to fight the Western Springs land sale.

“The industry looking to purchase the Western Springs properties will disrupt the education of the students,” an anonymous parent said.

While the future of the school remains uncertain, many teachers and students are making the best of the sudden change with creativity and enthusiasm, Jyrrell said.

“If I’m being honest with you, I’m just hearing about the sale now,” English IV Visual Word teacher Francis Alfredo said.

To appease the angry BOE members, Dice is offering 5% off water for every $30 purchased for those with student IDs. Fair warning, those who offer their ID number with no card will be pied in the face. Additionally, one theater is dedicated to streaming LT student spotlights, for only a $1 entry fee. If you want to learn more about the new LT school format, check out wwwww.LIONION/soldtheschoolbuilding#oops#YOLO.wikihow