In a shocking revelation that has left residents shaking their heads, it appears that the LaGrange Police Department has been operating as a covert funding mechanism for the extravagant lifestyles of its meter maids. 

Sources close to the department have disclosed that the relentless ticketing spree, which has plagued the town for months, isn’t merely about maintaining order on the streets. Instead, it seems to be a well-orchestrated scheme to keep the meter maids living the high life. 

“I saw a LGPD meter maid pull up to my car in his gold-plated police Prius and give me a ticket for being five  minutes late, then another ticket because my car gave ‘poor people vibes,’” said a single mother of eight, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of what would happen to her children if the maids found out. “When I pleaded how he could do this to me, he did a spin move, then looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘Because, baby girl, the new Apple Vision Pro just dropped, and I need it.’” 

Reports indicate that the meter maids have been spotted flaunting their newfound wealth with reckless abandon, platinum Dunkin Donut credit cards, golden belts to hold their pepper spray and rape whistles, and driving around town in their newly specialized Prius’—all on the dime of unsuspecting drivers who dared go near the LGPD Meter Maid Gang Territory. 

“I felt violated,” exclaimed an LT student. “I was late to my two-hour parking spot, and there was a gang of meter maids sitting on my car. When I walked up, they circled me while whispering, ‘Someone’s been a bad boy,’ then held me down and stapled a $500 fine to my forehead.” The LaGrange Police Department has ferociously denied the allegations, insisting that their ticketing practices are purely for the sake of public safety and traffic management. However, skeptics remain unconvinced, pointing to the suspiciously frequent presence of meter maids lurking around parking meters like vultures waiting to pounce on their prey. 

As outrage continues to mount among the town’s people, calls for a thorough investigation into the department’s financial practices are growing louder. Until then, we advise residents to avoid these violent meter maid gangs, as entanglement could result in your next month’s rent.