Tragedy struck in the early hours of May 2, when President Moe Oldman was found deceased in his bed, reportedly from natural causes. In a shocking turn of events the United States finds itself with a new leader, and it’s not what one might think. 

Instead of following traditional 25th Amendment procedures, the oval office has fallen to none other than the late President’s most loyal companion, his German shepard Minor. Female vice president Hamala Farris was denied the position by the Supreme Court this afternoon. 

“Myself and many fellow judges felt that the country would be in better hands, or paws I should say, with Minor,” Chief Justice, Ron B. Dodger said to the press. “Farris is quite too emotional for the position, we feel.” 

The late president had hired the country’s best trainers for Minor, and the shepard has gained the title of most intelligent canine in the nation. He is even equipped to answer yes and no questions by pressing buttons. Although Minor has previously been removed from the White House on accounts of biting multiple people, this was overlooked. 

The electronic voice of the red button said “yes” after interviewers asked Minor if he was ready to be the leader of this great nation. 

Although this news is a huge step for dogkind, skeptics all over Twitter/X are questioning the judicial branch’s decision making. Many Twitter/X users are wondering how a dog could take office over the qualified human vice president. The hashtag “#thisissexist” is currently trending. 

“This country has gone to the dogs, literally,” ponylover74 tweeted at 2:45 p.m. this afternoon. “Now a dog gets to decide how high my taxes are?!?!” 

On the flipside, a smaller, yet still significant number of users are praising this controversial choice. A group of supporters has gathered around the White House desperate to meet, or pet, the new president. 

“I’m happy with anything keeping our homeland out of that girl’s hands,” an anonymous crowd member said. “I bet Minor is 10 times smarter than her; he is a male at least.” 

Farris has declined to comment on the situation, but reportedly stormed out of the courtroom following the decision. 

“Who can blame her,” an Associate Justice who voted against Minor’s appointment said. “She just lost to a dog.” 

Minor has made numerous changes already, including hitting ‘‘yes’’ to bills banning all deforestation, and founding 20 new dog parks across the country in his name. He is currently trying to pass a bill that requires restaurants to leave plates of bacon outside of their doors. 

“Woof,” Minor said. “Woof, woof.”