The sweet aroma of artificial sweetener constantly blankets the hallways and classes of LT due to Kellogg’s Fruity Snacks. With three nutritional flavors of wild berry, cherry and strawberry, students can’t get enough of this $1 phenomenon. However, many begin to wonder about LT’s involvement with the company. 

“I don’t know why such an irrelevant school in Illinois is so involved in our company,” Kellogg Fruity Snack spokesman and CEO Paul Webster said. “But we aren’t complaining. Since LT students began selling our brand, our stock prices rose close to 25 percent. LT has single handily kept our company in business.”  

The prosperity of thefruity snack lionion fruity snacks proposed questionable antics behind such a random choice. Investigation led to a corrupt revelation that Student Activities Director Perry Lettuce is heavily invested in the brand’s stock. He declined to comment on this story. 

“It’s a shame Mr. Lettuce used LT as a muse for his own economic gain,” Cheryl Grayson ’17 said. “At least I get a $3 breakfast, pre-lunch and late afternoon snack out of it. You can’t beat that.” 

Due to this revelation, the Board of Education is considering removing the fruit snacks from the fundraising opportunities for all sports and clubs. However, board members can hardly resist that luscious combination of fruit and chemicals, proving that a spoon full of sugar does, in fact, help the corruption go up.