Anticipating new issues with the incoming freshman class of 2020, the Board of Education recently approved a proposal to send up to 30 LT security guards to undergo Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL training in Coronado, Calif., this coming summer. The course, which is usually used for training by the famed Navy SEAL commandoes (standing for Sea, Air, and Land), will prepare LT’s finest for the challenges of directing freshmen when they frequently get lost.

“Reports from local junior high schools suggest that the class of 2020 could be exceptionally difficult, with issues ranging from cheating to vandalism to arson,” Richard Tracy, LT security guard said. “I really, really hope I get to go to Cali.”

Training modules for this exclusive training course will include long runs, timed obstacle courses, combat swimming, hand-to-hand combat, parachuting and BASE jumping, explosives and demolitions, land and sea navigation and lunch delivery to classrooms.

“The kids are getting tougher. Our security guards are just going to have to toughen up as well,” Principal Bryant Watermelon said. “Hopefully, the SEAL training will help with this. The capabilities that [the guards] will learn will probably astound us all.”

SEALs, who trace their lineage back to the early days of World War Two, are the premier anti-terrorism force in the U.S. military, and, arguably, the world. The 24-week course, which will cut the guards off entirely from the rest of the world, will be unlike anything any of the guards have ever experienced.

“Our goal will be to take these few weeks and make men out of the men we start with,” SEAL instructor Steele Guns said. “The recipe for it is approximately 489,476 pushups, 94,322 pull ups, about 894 miles running and seven hours of sleep total for the entire course. Fun.”

The dropout rate for BUD/S regularly reaches above 90%.

“Hopefully, this will help us with aspects of our jobs that could use some use,” Tracy said. “Hand-to-hand combat could help breaking up cat fights at South and the obstacle courses will make navigating food fight battlegrounds a breeze.”

The administration is very hopeful to see these results after the course completes, but is not without a backup plan in case they are disappointed after the course.

“We already have a contract lined up with several ex-KGB and Spetsnaz men who are more than eager to help us out,” Watermelon said.