In what critics and soccer moms across DuPage County are calling an Oscar-worthy performance, legendary Hinsdale Central director, producer and star Bes Wurger returned to his original filmmaking grounds and made a pump video about making pump videos. The new production is called “Why LT SUX: The Prequel: Origins: Part I: How it all began: The Movie.”

“Seriously, I bought all of these expensive movie cameras, and we need to pump up the movie makers of tomorrow here in Hinsdale,” Wurger said. “I’m not happy with my moviemaking legacy [at Central], and we need to change a lot to make our pump videos better than LT’s pump videos. But at least our videos don’t have red scooters, like LT’s do.”

The feature-length movie, which stars Wurger, Tom Cruiseship and Megan Foxy, claims that because LT does not have enough money to hire stars in their videos, they lose at sports.

“It was quite an experience to film and act in,” Wurger said. “It really shows how LT just isn’t that great at making movies. Or playing sports. And LT just can’t answer this feat of cinematography.”

The movie premiered in home movie theatres across Hinsdale on May 9 to rave reviews. It has a score written by Jonathan Williams along with cameos of Stephen Steelburg, Harrison Fordtruck and Hinsdale Superintendent Dr. Richie Rich—all sporting Wurger’s trademark red and white striped overalls with one strap undone. Critics on both sides of the Tri-State Tollway say the star-filled movie has again catapulted Hinsdale Central to the lead in the movie-making war.

The stars were also all very impressed with the new moviemaker.

“This kid is special,” Steelburg said. “He has a nice touch and a great on-screen presence, but I’m just not sure about his costume choices. I mean, I thought overalls were for farmers. It works for him, but personally I would have preferred to wear Gucci. I know the kid can afford it, I don’t understand why he wouldn’t wear it.”

The new masterpiece, however, came with a price. Wurger had to drop out of the Harvard School of Cinematography in order to film his newest masterpiece, but he is sure that it is worth the sacrifice.

“I mean, I’m going to be living in this moment for the rest of my entire life,” Wurger said. “Why does it have to end when I graduate high school? I can see myself years down the road, still making movies for the Red Devil Nation. And when I want to go back to Harvard, I’ll just bribe the admissions officer. I did it once; I can easily do it again.”

Although several anonymous sources claim that Central plans to bribe the Oscar voters for Best Picture, Best Director and Best Actor next year, Wurger vehemently denies any wrongdoing in any way, shape or form.

“You can’t put a million bucks in jail anyways, even if it was true,” Wurger said.

LT’s resident Eastern European filmmaker Farmin Korsovich ’17 refused to comment on Wurger’s new film, but sources close to him say he is considering retirement after viewing the amazing new Central movie.