Mia Pythagorean ‘17 entered her math class on April 1 and it seemed like any other day: there were equations on the board and papers on the desks. But, it all changed when her teacher, Erin Ellipse, announced the new math department policy: math doesn’t matter.

“It was completely shocking,” Pythagorean said. “To finally hear the truth, after all of these years, it was amazing. I always knew that math didn’t mean anything, and to hear that validated makes me feel so great.”

At one of it’s “late-start-day” meetings, the LT math department said that they realized that math didn’t matter while speaking about how much their students hated the math classes at LT, and trying to find out the root of that hate.

“We just came to the conclusion, that after you graduate fourth grade level math, you truly will never use anything past that level in real life,” Division Chair Sally Sine said. “Algebra, Trigonometry, Calculus: they aren’t important, and you’ll never use them in real life. We are just devastated by all of the lies we’ve told over the years. Personally, I am overcome with debilitating guilt.”

New curriculum will revolve around teaching sufficiency with a calculator, addition, subtraction and other simple math skills, that Sine says are the only things that students need to truly be proficient in to succeed in any non-math related career.

“It’s going to make math really easy now,” Pythagorean said. “Addition is the only thing I really understand, so it’s nice that we’re going to be spending more time on the useful math instead of learning silly stuff like DeMorre’s Theorem and geometry.”