In the middle of her English AP test, Helen Ryan slumped down in her chair and started slamming her fist against the desk, shouting multiple obscenities and screaming at the top of her lungs.

“You worthless piece of ——–!” bellowed Ryan. “You’ll never be able to succeed in college! You’re garbage! This is why no one thinks you’re smart.”

Students around her couldn’t help but notice her actions, but were certain she was fine and would be able to complete her AP exam, just like the rest of them.

“She’s probably just psyching herself up for the FRQs,” said Don Stanton ‘16. “Helen’s really smart and she’ll definitely get a five. In fact, I bet she is already finished with the Mastery Manager portion.”

After receiving instructions to begin the FRQ question, Ryan made a feeble attempt to write more FRQs, then she slowly collapsed on her test, soaking it with her tears and ruining all the pages.
“Despite the fact that she was only able to complete one of the three FRQs, I’m sure it was good enough that the AP readers will see it and give her the credit,” Stanton said. “Crying on the test was a sneaky good move too. AP readers will feel sorry for her and give her a five. I was upset I didn’t think of that.”

It was reported that Ryan did in fact start tearing up pieces of her test, likely voiding her of receiving any legitimate score from the AP Board. She then commenced to use those pieces of paper to spell “You’re trash” with the tear soaked sheets of what was once a bubble sheet.

The proctors of the test then proceeded to make attempts at comforting her, but immediately as the hand of the 47-year-old librarian, met Ryan’s back, it was met with extreme and unexpected retaliation.

“I think she picked up a chair and attempted to hit our proctor in the back,” said Anne Johnson. “Although I couldn’t be quite sure, as I was attacking the FRQ on the role of Black Americans in the 1960s. I did hear a high pitched squeal though. I think she was trying to say something like ‘Why would you touch garbage?’, but it was so high pitched it could have been ‘Why don’t you eat garbage!’ There was definitely the word garbage in their somewhere.”

Despite her outburst, most students seemed confident in Ryan.

“She’ll probably be fine,” said Stanton. “If there is one thing the college board is, it’s forgiving.”